My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
