I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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