I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
