She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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