By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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