Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
