YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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