overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
