My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
