you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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