Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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