I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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