i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
