I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
