What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
