All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
