So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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