even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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