She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
