can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I love having hate sex.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
