Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
