quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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