Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
