Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
