my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
They left me at home... I'm a liability
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
