I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
