The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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