how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
