All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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