After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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