he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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