she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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