Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
please come you make the beer taste better
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
