you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
