I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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