i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
