I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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