no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
