Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
