sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
