I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dick very happy bro
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
