I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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