Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
