I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
