I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
