i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
