Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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