For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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