if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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