I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
